POETRY
all poems written by me
**Under Construction**
mover awayeri can still feel your arms around me from the last time we hugged,
i held you back, tight. like a childs hand wrapped around their parent's finger, too attached, too afraid to let go, to afraid to lose you and i lost you losing myself in the process, holding onto something, that was nothing. because being nothing was enough for me to love you, and i miss you, i've thought about you everyday since, texting you, every second i could, until i couldn't, until you wouldn't reply, left on read, left behind like an injured soldier during war, turned my heart to purple like a sweet, plum, bleeding emotions or are these just the same bruises? i've beat myself up over you before over not being enough to be something worth staying for. i wake up everyday hoping one morning you'll finally decide to love me and every night wondering if maybe you do and if you do, why do you do it in ways i don't understand? i want you to come back, but at the same time i don't i hope you're happy there, even though it sucks, that you are without me i know i'm selfish, but i can't help it, i'm just tired of being lonely. of being without you i can still feel your arms around me from the last time we hugged not knowing it'd be the last. not knowing i'd hold you back from happy, or whatever it is you're seeking that i can't help you find that you can't find in me and i want to say i've given the most but this heart isn't as torn as it could be i miss you, and my hippocampus constantly reminds me "come back, come back" and i pretend i can't hear in fear that you won't fuck my hippocampus i miss you, and it's my dreams that put me here pretending i can mean something fuck these dreams too i just wish you'd come back with time for me, you never have time for me but fuck it i miss you i wonder if you miss me you can see the sleepless nights in these drowzy eyes from overthinking it why'd you have to go? i miss you, can you miss me would you miss me the way i miss you if i was the one who left? i miss you... i miss you... can you miss me too? |
flower boyi am a flower boy,
and often, i find her picking my petals. gently she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me. and as i lay in her palms i can see the scars from all her yesterdays i’m trying to be her daffodil, i’m trying to be her todays and tomorrows, her flower boy, and whether she loves me, whether she loves me not, i love her. she makes my heart bloom turns my smile into pink hydrangeas and i am hers, hers and she is my rain and sun. i flourish in her presence, she is good for me, she is good to me, she is gentle i can feel it when she picks my petals she loves me, she loves me not, she loves me maybe and even if she doesn't i love her. blindone day
i will go blind my drowzy eyes will turn to disfunctioning ones and i only ask that you are the last thing i see, i have always seen the future in your eyes, and i don't want to stop seeing, so try to describe them to me please... and as you try to paint pictures only my ears can see i will add to your portrait with what i could remember... "they're beautiful" "just like the rest of you" and in my head i will imagine that the eyes i am imagining are crying though they may not be but i will still be crying, and you will smile, and i will explain how even though i can't see it, your smile still makes my heart stop, and you will disagree i will tell you one day my heart will stop just like my eyes, but my love for you will not, and i will ask that if there is anything you see for me, it is this then i will look in your direction happy, seeing absolutely nothing, imagining what i can remember, knowing the face in front of me is everything to me. whether i see it or not. |